I suppose every childhood is some sort of desperate attempt at reconciliation of what we feel about being who we are. The emotions that feel so real, are only temptations of a much larger discovery yet to come. Peace appears as this soothing sensation of knowing we are loved by those around us. Horror arises whenever there's an absence of believing in our concept of belonging. The idea of mattering to some tangible purpose sweeps away the trauma of merely existing. The fear of being the only person feeling this way grinds away at every moment of one's being. Never alone, but never relieved of the isolation. Being alive is never so easy, that it doesn't rely on external confirmation. Happiness is what we call the lulls in the fear, and only lasts just long enough, that we don't want to know its absence. What we feel is the gap between longing and living. The rest simply resonates as a distraction. Hope resides in the shadows, for we all cast them from our darkness. That part of us protecting our vulnerabilities. We realize the grayness of our fears, and tell ourselves it's not rational, but revert back there whenever challenged to push outside that false sense of comfort, we know deep in our hearts is just complacency. These conflicts within each of us separate us in ways we struggle to explain. The dinner conversation never begins by expressing those thoughts and emotions we're ashamed of, or embarrassed by. Intimate details of those parts of us we protect by that shadow from our darkness are usually the last to surface, whenever solidifying a mutual bond. Guilt breathes down our backs up until we face is ugly truths. There's only so much of who we are to spread around, and the portions that you share are safe within those who equally share that same portion back.
While all this sounds gloomy and depressing, there's oh so much more to be uncovered within the hearts and minds of those around us. Finding where we fit in requires each of us to accept where we truly are as individuals. Periodically scrutinizing our values and belief system to assure they register with the relevance of how our environment has evolved. Not getting stuck within a dogmatic nostalgia of what once was, and sacrificing the growth needed to achieve a new and better future. Unshackle the chains of insecurity for the liberating freedoms of trying the unknown. Live your life with intent and purpose, not just to fill the space between childhood wonderment, and old age frustration. There are over 7.5 billion reasons to improve this life we know. Either make it better...or, do nothing and wish it so.