“Man/Made”

We wonder through this life hoping there’s enchanted immortality in an idealistic afterlife, constantly tucking away the things we don’t want to bring to bare as we push into the uncertainty of our conscious reality. Ultimately, we face the unpacking of life’s baggage to reveal with the clarity of hindsight, we fucked a lot of opportunities up along the way. All of man’s problems are a result of our collective consciousness, and the resulting behavior. The earth and universe have their moments of transformation and resulting tribulations, but our species is to blame for every single issue surrounding our modernity. Social, cultural, political, ideological conflict only exists within our perception of reality. For 300,000 years, our story has been evolving to what is now the present day. This portrayal of the accumulation of our understanding for how and why we exist remains anchored to the unproven mythical speculations of ancestors we deemed as prophetic, even though there’s not a shred of physical evidence to confirm this as reality. Nevertheless, I’m not here to write about the way ideological misgivings balloon into mythical misconceptions. I want to further my observations about the emotional entrapment gripping our species and more importantly, how do we break that grip. I only have to look at my personal perspective to get started. I was a very emotional child, full of love and elation over the things that made me feel good. Disappointments were a part of that, but they never felt like they were overwhelming. No one ever explained to me that this thing we call heartache was a normal part of the human experience. It was something much different than disappointment, and felt like it would never go away. I realized it’s stranglehold after my father came home drunk one night, and woke me up when I was fourteen. Him coming home drunk after spending his time drinking away from my mother and his children wasn’t something new. It was a generational type behavior for men of his era. They were children of a very authoritarian generation of fathers themselves. This lack of engagement for the emotional complexity of adolescence has helped to cast the die for all generations. Dad felt trapped by the expectations of a wife, who he felt detached from within his own complexity. He had met someone that listened to his plight, and come to the conclusion it was time to leave his family because of his detachment from mom. At fourteen and being his eldest child, he decided I was to be the new man of the house in his absence. My dad was leaving, and what little responsibility he supported around the family from a functional perspective was now on my shoulders. Oh, there’s a catch to this dysfunctional strategy of his. He hasn’t informed mom of his plans, so I couldn’t tell anyone of my situation. I was supposed to suppress any emotional entanglement with my reaction to cover his cowardice for unveiling his relief to his emotional turmoil. Selfish, absolutely, but this was how he was conditioned to cope with his own emotional entanglement from his life. What’s lost in this generational extrapolation of emotional suppression is the way we at crucial junctures of human development ignore the understanding of the adolescent individuals of how their own emotional entanglement works. Not a single concern for how I would deal with the abandonment from my father at a time my hormonal transition from childhood to early adulthood was overwhelming to say the least. My story is unique in its presence to me, but not isolated in the context for how we as a species fail at this critical development in the lives of our children. That failure to untangle our emotional complexity at the individual level until we are dysfunctional adults is the real problem. Adolescents don’t possess the capacity to effectively do it alone, and peer involvement mostly dilutes the situation. The dysfunctional parent only replicates the slightly enhanced experience of their own adolescence, and focused improvements are mostly a product of luck. People are groomed to figure out their own emotional entanglement and live within whatever results that process renders. This hasn’t changed much for most of modern times since our development of language and art. Remember, the period I’m referencing is the last 10,000 years, where written language can be used to gauge emotional expression. The process is evolving, but at Darwinian speed and is only recently within the last couple of centuries been adequately studied. Human beings possess so much more capacity than we currently exhibit, it’s going to take some time to learn how the best way to unlock it will be.

 

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The news out of New Zealand is tragic in obvious ways, but at a deeper level far beyond the loss of lives as well. The manifesto from this perpetrator identifies a disturbing message of psychotic nationalism supported by racism. This diverts this writing in a bit of an unexpected direction, but also ties in the overall message of my initial thoughts. Race, culture, nationalism, and religious ideology are all bound by a common thread. Their identification and support is a human concept. Varying degrees of melatonin in the skin of humans does not distinguish special differentiation, but is leveraged through cultural dynamics as fuel for ignorance to the biology supporting one’s understanding. Homo Sapiens vary along a wide range of physical variations, such as height, weight, hair, eyes, and the likes. Skin color has been extracted from this list for a social agenda. Getting individuals to support this preposterous notion by incentivizing their following is the Darwinian dilemma in all of this. Our social propensity has served our species well over time. Teaching and division of labor and tasks across a smaller group allowed for us to proliferate this planet. Language allowed for those groups to expand greatly in size. Technology amplified that capacity to unheard of boundaries, and social media allowed any fool to become believable. At the individual level, the true variation lies within the capacity to process our understanding from all this communication capacity. The agenda once again becomes the focal point, and the unaware followers not properly scrutinizing their sensory input behave in detrimental ways. Donald Trump’s name was cited in this manifesto for his support of nationalism and agenda to stop immigration. Only in the human consciousness does migration of species cause social conflict. The only reason it’s seen the way it’s portrayed is because it’s supported by an agenda. Not biology, chemistry, or physics, just ignorance to understanding.  

 

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Most of what the human race has contrived as acceptable norms around this planet were originally put into place as a symbol to something greater than a single life. No one person or even group of people have a comprehensive handle on this complexity of our species. We have yet to achieve in the hundreds of thousands of years of being aware and connected a tranquil harmony of everyone. As advanced as we’ve become in some aspects, we struggle to rise above the challenges in beliefs and behaviors. Hope can only be identified as not becoming extinct in one’s own lifetime, and trying to stave off self inflicted extinction in the upcoming lifetimes of our offspring and of theirs as well. The story of precisely how we arrived here is still widely debated in spite of the strong evidence to support the scientific version. That gap in acceptance transcends into social ideology as well as the individual interpretation for one’s existence. We more often than not attempt to trade personal tranquility for being right, and the argument carries the burden of confusion of purpose. We seek individual validation for our consciousness, while ignoring what’s in the best interest of all. Our children become reflections of that same dynamic, and thus they too repeat the cycle only to find themselves at the same crossroads as ourselves. Consciousness can only be gratifying by being present within one’s reality. There’s no credibility necessary, just acceptance and awareness of how complicated life is outside of that paradigm. Your emotional state will run your life if you give it the keys, or it can gratify every moment when you realize their functional dynamic. 

 

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The world is filled with beauty and wonder...don’t let fear or ignorance stop you from realizing it! 

 

 

 

 

  #thoughts 

“Broken/Obsession”

dreams of delusion 

ideas from beyond  

notions all yesterday  

there’s no right

trading comfort in

every second wasted

hope is falsifiable  

rationalizing from irrationality  

life portrayed fiction  

chain linked lies

 no peace within

 

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   “...Italian frico breakfast” 

reconnecting fraid ends

piecing together tomorrow  

marginalizing the details

rejoicing from spirit  

exhausting demented intentions  

fusing dislocated honesty

 embracing hearts desire 

forgetting turbulent discrepancies  

petition for dedication  

acknowledge true struggle  

mention said vulnerability  

 

 

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 “...Artisan Corned Beef” 

 deliver your best

volatile outcomes reflect  

possessed by gratitude 

driven from purpose  

anticipation through development  

 clinched by nostalgia 

soothed from sensational  

 tendered for conformity 

pasted as reformation  

seen over experience  

lived beyond peace

 

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  “...Hawk Moth”  

 

 

 

 

 

 

  #poetry