How often do we make compromises with ourselves? Because we represent both sides of any personal situation of the self, we view these dilemmas differently than whenever we assume only one side. Within any decision concerning more than one party, each sides perspective is skewed towards self interest. Dominant and submissive personalities come forward, and the metrics for which they meet drives the negotiation. Bossy types want their way no matter what, while submissive types yield to what others insist upon. There’s much more granularity to this, but my point here is to paint a picture of how we inner act with others in order to contrast that to how we treat those with ourselves.  


  “Once you compromise with yourself...what is left to give up?” 


 I first used this phrase in my late teens, as a buddy and I were in deep philosophical conversation, while extremely stoned. This was very common of the 70’s and 80’s! I used it again yesterday, when commenting on a post with a moral dilemma present. The terms of these   “Self Negotiations”  are the relevance of the conversation, for it’s the demands we make of ourselves that reflect our integrity and character. Short of expressing every single thought, no one else knows our inner dilemmas on a moment by moment basis. Research has shown the human propensity to rationalize the behaviors stemming from our responses to our own emotional thresholds. We eat the chocolate, even though we’re not in need of nutrients, because it tastes so good, then guilt rears it’s ugly head, and we smash it down with a dose of   “Its only one candy bar...I’ll compensate somehow for it later”.   (Sound familiar) Granted, this is a very simplistic yet cliche analogy, but we do this with so many other circumstances, it’s a major part of all of our experiences. 

  “How does this affect each of us as individuals...?” 

As with everything Homo Sapien, what we all share lies hidden beneath the complexity of what makes us individuals. Only when we share these specific occurrences of moral dilemmas can we begin to better manage the inner negotiations we all face. Conversely, whenever we negotiate with others, we can benefit from how we deal with ourselves. Applying the view of both perspectives to any discussion builds better connections and thusly closer relationships. If I feel as though I understand you anywhere close to how I view myself, I have much more sympathy, empathy, and compassion for everyone. The biggest requirement to this paradigm involves each of us to first develop an honest understanding of ourselves. Knowing the boundaries for compromise, and not being too controlling or weak in where we make our stand on how we flush out decisions. Once we establish values, we drive our conscious choices with their support. Constant evaluation of said values promotes change leading to progress. Latching ahold without any further scrutiny...well, that’s the definition of conservatism😳





As we fight through the process of unpacking the baggage life can give us over a period of suspect choices and impulsive decisions, we begin to cling to the idea of what brings us comfort. How certain types of personalities and situations support the newfound idea of how we view ourselves, and the off putting of those dreaded memories we’ve just unloaded. Youth and adventure walk hand in hand, but personal struggle and experience wipes away the desire to experiment with our hearts. Thus, we become hardened to the thrill of wonderment and the anxiety of chance. This transformation takes us to becoming the people we work so hard to not be during this build up. 

  “Why does this happen to us...?” 

 Is this just part of what we’ve deemed socially as maturity, or is this based more on the erosion of how life grinds away at us. The notion that applying an ultra high level of focus and attention, robbing the sheer joy of just being and discovering, makes zero sense to me. The American culture places a supreme emphasis on happiness, and the daily components of achieving and maintaining its status. You can hardly peruse a website, television channel, or bookstore where the self help make your life fucking fabulous guru’s with their “You can do this too” bullshit, don’t pounce on your vulnerable disposition. It must work for these messengers to some extent, or they wouldn’t do it. On the other side, if it were as effective as they suggest, wouldn’t we some day run out of people to convert to blissful existences. 

  “Here’s my take...” 

Childhood is to some degree difficult for everyone, who survives it. Not giving a shit about the specifics of its outcome is acceptable up to a point, then obsessing over every minute detail wipes out the fun of being a person. Detachment, resulting from all these aspects of our childhood, robs us of some of life’s enjoyment. We as parents don’t help our children properly evaluate their emotional transformation towards adolescence, and adulthood. We make all the fuss around the first five or so years, then rush to get through the rest, and get them to adults. Children just want to be adults as fast as they can get there from that age of five, so they don’t have to be bossed around any more. We now know the brains prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until the mid twenties of a humans life, and the distance between there and their first words is the most important time to mold the next sixty plus years. What would happen if we encouraged more imagination and less anxiety about being an adult? Measure growth in the size of their vocabulary, and the math concepts they utilize instead of their position on the soccer field. Talking to our children rather than talking at them without allowing them to grasp the power position, where every conversation turns into a negotiation. Letting them know we are in some ways full of the same wonderment they see the world with, and share with them your capacity for vulnerability. Maybe that makes childhood better?

“What about the adult unpacking phase...?” 

Well, it will take a generation to yield the affects of this parenting shift, so let’s deal with adults understanding their childhoods were whacked. It’s incumbent of everyone to align your emotions with the now, and learn to leave the past as a controlled memory bank, and not a torturous mechanism robbing you of enjoying your present life. This takes patience, practice, and focus to overcome a lifetime of suffering at the hands of of this captive mindset. Finding your adult wonderment requires a good deal of introspection, not the kind you get from the gossip mills of your inner circle of friends and family. Development of the way the brain and your emotions actually function can help you build a better story for who you are today. Meditation for compassion and forgiveness will help you free all that pent up resentment towards yourself or anyone else. Exercise and eating a healthy diet are essential to feeling good at any stage of adult life. If you don’t believe me, give it a try! Remember the 2018 mantra: “If it’s in your best interest, and you can do it...why the fuck not?”  Give this lifestyle a ride, and ask yourself in all honesty...”Can I feel a difference?”