The loneliness of only being yourself…
…terrifies the fuck out of us
Nobody has this figured out, it’s anyone’s guess as to the why we’re here. Every generation churns out yet another layer of anxiety over the reason behind our why. The feeling of being alive is intoxicating, yet subversively paranoid simultaneously. Who else hears our thoughts, surely they echo across time.
Desire poised just beneath the surface of fear. Luring our spirit into its web of ecstasy and exotic fulfillment. Never relenting it’s constant reminder of the darkness within all of us. Only the strands of guilt hold us back from over indulgence. We can’t help ourselves for wanting, we can’t forgive ourselves for accepting.
As long as we don’t feel threatened, we feel we must know something special. Our vision of our existence is how everything fits together for us. Surely everyone else feels the same way about themselves. Suffering is a poor choice, cheer yourself up so no one feels badly about themselves. Anger will get you through the night.
Peace is the constant dream, if only we could locate its calm. Surely there are moments of this mythical clarity, but suffering to find them seems to be the barrier of resistance. Tolerance for the suffering is the weight of that feeling for existence. Life’s tide rolls across our memories, washing clean the residual effects. Leaving behind nothing but guilt for not trying harder.
Wasting away all those moments of being present in the suffering and not breathing in the essence of the space between the passing seconds. For its not fear of dying, it’s forgetting that our time falls within those gaps of anguish over the why. It’s love we seek, and how that feels. Reassuring our entanglement over how we arrived at another moment, and the weight lingers still.
You think because that’s all the mind knows to do. You feel because that’s how we deal with our thoughts. You live when you train the will to accept. Love is the harmony of realization of this transformation. Once you figure that part out, there’s no space for anything else. The fear, anxiety, and suffering subside for the tranquility of compassion. The weight of living has been lifted…